Jackson Warfield
"it's easy to be a bad writer, but it's hard to wake up each day and devote a chunk of your life to bad writing."
All work copyright Jackson Warfield 2009
A MATTER OF EMOTIONS
by JACKSON WARFIELD
It was more than a grudge that Terry Setter held against his wife Bonnie. On their wedding day, right after they'd taken their vows, he'd leaned over and whispered into her ear, "I'm gonna devote my life to ruining yours."
Bonnie had smiled and replied, "I know, dear. And I'm gonna enjoy every moment of watching you try."
But so far, Terry had been unsuccessful. Their honeymoon to a tropical island went off without a hitch, despite of his several attempts to bring back to their hotel room any of the young, native girls.
"eww!" they said, one after the other. "you are gross man!"
Terry sulked around each night until the sun came up and then he went back to their suite, exhausted and miserable.
"I see you weren't successful," Bonnie would note with a sharp smile, before going back to her book and muttering, "don't worry, dear. There's always tomorrow."
"you'll see," he warned, collapsing next to her in bed.
Back home they returned to their jobs, Bonnie a defense lawyer at the prestigious Eckell, Trowler and Rendon law firm, Terry an electrical contractor.
Friends gave congratulations and called them newlyweds and invited them over for big dinners.
"I'm only going because I like steak," Terry assured her one night. "not because I like you."
"I know you like steak, dear," said Bonnie, giving him a wink. "that's why I requested it for you."
Terry fumed. He hadn't expected this personal goal of his to be so difficult.
At the dinner table of Bill and Stacy Myers, two friends of Bonnie, Terry sloppily wolfed down his steak, letting out stinking belches and occasionally leaning to one side to push out a fart.
The Myers, disgusted with his behavior glanced nervously at Bonnie who just sat there, happily chewing her food, seeming very content and unperturbed throughout the whole evening.
On the way home, as Terry drove along the quiet suburban streets, he inched over towards the sidewalk until the rims of Bonney's Mercedes Benz were grinding against the concrete.
After a few moments he looked over at Bonnie with antagonizing eyes. Bonnie just looked back and smiled and said very gently, "oh, Terry. Now I'll have to call up Mike at the dealership and get new ones."
With that Terry jammed on the gas and roared home. When they got there he stormed inside, slamming the door in Bonnie's face. She opened it back up and walked into their bedroom and as he was tearing off his clothes to get into bed, she said, "thanks for driving, dear."
"the woman is not human," Terry shouted to a plumber friend one day, while eating lunch near a jobsite. "She just doesn't get angry! She doesn't even- she doesn't even get frazzled!"
"well, buddy, maybe that's a good thing. You ever thought of that? My old lady gets mad at me all the time."
"it's not a good thing! It's a bad thing! You just don't know what you're talking about!"
Terry slammed his chicken salad sandwich down on the lunch counter, half eaten, and stomped off, wringing his hands. Halfway to his van he turned and yelled back, "you just don't know what it's like! It's like she's a freak!"
Terry didn't know exactly why, but since they'd begun dating some six years back, he'd often found himself getting annoyed at how nothing seemed to rile Bonnie. Whether she won or lost a court case, she seemed indifferent. When he'd brought her dog Henry, who she'd had for twelve years, to the pound without consulting her, she didn't mind. He'd admitted to cheating on her with one of the younger clerks at her law firm and she'd said, "Terry, dear, we all make mistakes."
"through hell and high water," he growled to himself inside the van, "she just maintains her cool. That can't be! There's got to be something I can do to piss her off!"
Instead of going back to the jobsite he drove straight home. He went into their bedroom and into her clothes closet and threw all her things out the window. When he'd emptied the closet he went down onto the lawn, piled up the clothes and got some gasoline out of the shed, setting it nearby.
"let's she what she has to say about this," he snarled.
He went back inside and waited by the bay window in their kitchen until he saw Bonnie's car a little ways down the road. He ran out and doused the clothes with the gasoline and lit the pile on fire. Bonnie pulled into the driveway and saw the flames and said, "oh, dear. I'll call the fire department!"
"but these are your clothes!" screamed Terry, dancing around the fire. "I'm burning all your clothes! Tee hee hee!"
Bonnie looked at him and smiled and said, "well, dear. That's okay. I'll just buy some new ones. How was work?"
The following morning Terry woke up livid. Bonnie had already gotten up and gone to work so he lied in bed, letting his anger seethe inside of him. After some time he decided he wouldn't go to work. Not that morning, not ever again. Not until he'd fulfilled the promise he'd made to her on their wedding day.
He made some phone calls to local building companies regarding the possibility of renting heavy construction vehicles.
"I'll show her," he said, when a few hours later a big trailer truck pulled up in front of his house and two men began unloading a midsized bulldozer.
After driving the bulldozer into the driveway one of the men surveyed Terry's flat, treeless lot of land and said jokingly, "what are you flattening, the house?"
Terry just smiled and signed some papers and saw the two men off.
Within a few minutes he'd gotten into the cab of the bulldozer and figured out the basic operating procedures, then set about knocking down the house they'd bought together after their engagement, almost exactly a year before.
Bonnie came home later that afternoon and pulled into the driveway. She stared through her windshield at the house and when Terry saw her he smiled and waved and let out a maniacal laugh.
"haha!" he cackled, plowing through one of the last standing walls. "I've destroyed our house! What'll we do now? Where will we live?!"
Bonnie carefully approached the bulldozer and looked it over, seeming fascinated. She didn't say anything at first, just admired the bright yellow paint and then surveyed the remains of the house.
Finally she looked up at him and said, "that's all right, dear. My brother-in-law's parents own a house across town. I'm sure we can stay there for a while."
"OHH!" Terry screamed. "It can't be! What the hell is it with you?! I've wrecked our house! I've destroyed all your belongings! I took your dog away and I cheated on you! What's wrong with you? Why aren't you angry?!"
"Terry, dear. I am angry. I was just taught to suppress my anger, to push it deep, deep down and keep it bottled up inside."
"but, but that's impossible! Some day it'll all explode out of you, and you'll go crazy and take it out on whoever's closest to you!"
Bonnie smiled, looking at where the house used to be.
"I know, dear. And I think that day has come."
A MATTER OF EMOTIONS
by JACKSON WARFIELD
It was more than a grudge that Terry Setter held against his wife Bonnie. On their wedding day, right after they'd taken their vows, he'd leaned over and whispered into her ear, "I'm gonna devote my life to ruining yours."
Bonnie had smiled and replied, "I know, dear. And I'm gonna enjoy every moment of watching you try."
But so far, Terry had been unsuccessful. Their honeymoon to a tropical island went off without a hitch, despite of his several attempts to bring back to their hotel room any of the young, native girls.
"eww!" they said, one after the other. "you are gross man!"
Terry sulked around each night until the sun came up and then he went back to their suite, exhausted and miserable.
"I see you weren't successful," Bonnie would note with a sharp smile, before going back to her book and muttering, "don't worry, dear. There's always tomorrow."
"you'll see," he warned, collapsing next to her in bed.
Back home they returned to their jobs, Bonnie a defense lawyer at the prestigious Eckell, Trowler and Rendon law firm, Terry an electrical contractor.
Friends gave congratulations and called them newlyweds and invited them over for big dinners.
"I'm only going because I like steak," Terry assured her one night. "not because I like you."
"I know you like steak, dear," said Bonnie, giving him a wink. "that's why I requested it for you."
Terry fumed. He hadn't expected this personal goal of his to be so difficult.
At the dinner table of Bill and Stacy Myers, two friends of Bonnie, Terry sloppily wolfed down his steak, letting out stinking belches and occasionally leaning to one side to push out a fart.
The Myers, disgusted with his behavior glanced nervously at Bonnie who just sat there, happily chewing her food, seeming very content and unperturbed throughout the whole evening.
On the way home, as Terry drove along the quiet suburban streets, he inched over towards the sidewalk until the rims of Bonney's Mercedes Benz were grinding against the concrete.
After a few moments he looked over at Bonnie with antagonizing eyes. Bonnie just looked back and smiled and said very gently, "oh, Terry. Now I'll have to call up Mike at the dealership and get new ones."
With that Terry jammed on the gas and roared home. When they got there he stormed inside, slamming the door in Bonnie's face. She opened it back up and walked into their bedroom and as he was tearing off his clothes to get into bed, she said, "thanks for driving, dear."
"the woman is not human," Terry shouted to a plumber friend one day, while eating lunch near a jobsite. "She just doesn't get angry! She doesn't even- she doesn't even get frazzled!"
"well, buddy, maybe that's a good thing. You ever thought of that? My old lady gets mad at me all the time."
"it's not a good thing! It's a bad thing! You just don't know what you're talking about!"
Terry slammed his chicken salad sandwich down on the lunch counter, half eaten, and stomped off, wringing his hands. Halfway to his van he turned and yelled back, "you just don't know what it's like! It's like she's a freak!"
Terry didn't know exactly why, but since they'd begun dating some six years back, he'd often found himself getting annoyed at how nothing seemed to rile Bonnie. Whether she won or lost a court case, she seemed indifferent. When he'd brought her dog Henry, who she'd had for twelve years, to the pound without consulting her, she didn't mind. He'd admitted to cheating on her with one of the younger clerks at her law firm and she'd said, "Terry, dear, we all make mistakes."
"through hell and high water," he growled to himself inside the van, "she just maintains her cool. That can't be! There's got to be something I can do to piss her off!"
Instead of going back to the jobsite he drove straight home. He went into their bedroom and into her clothes closet and threw all her things out the window. When he'd emptied the closet he went down onto the lawn, piled up the clothes and got some gasoline out of the shed, setting it nearby.
"let's she what she has to say about this," he snarled.
He went back inside and waited by the bay window in their kitchen until he saw Bonnie's car a little ways down the road. He ran out and doused the clothes with the gasoline and lit the pile on fire. Bonnie pulled into the driveway and saw the flames and said, "oh, dear. I'll call the fire department!"
"but these are your clothes!" screamed Terry, dancing around the fire. "I'm burning all your clothes! Tee hee hee!"
Bonnie looked at him and smiled and said, "well, dear. That's okay. I'll just buy some new ones. How was work?"
The following morning Terry woke up livid. Bonnie had already gotten up and gone to work so he lied in bed, letting his anger seethe inside of him. After some time he decided he wouldn't go to work. Not that morning, not ever again. Not until he'd fulfilled the promise he'd made to her on their wedding day.
He made some phone calls to local building companies regarding the possibility of renting heavy construction vehicles.
"I'll show her," he said, when a few hours later a big trailer truck pulled up in front of his house and two men began unloading a midsized bulldozer.
After driving the bulldozer into the driveway one of the men surveyed Terry's flat, treeless lot of land and said jokingly, "what are you flattening, the house?"
Terry just smiled and signed some papers and saw the two men off.
Within a few minutes he'd gotten into the cab of the bulldozer and figured out the basic operating procedures, then set about knocking down the house they'd bought together after their engagement, almost exactly a year before.
Bonnie came home later that afternoon and pulled into the driveway. She stared through her windshield at the house and when Terry saw her he smiled and waved and let out a maniacal laugh.
"haha!" he cackled, plowing through one of the last standing walls. "I've destroyed our house! What'll we do now? Where will we live?!"
Bonnie carefully approached the bulldozer and looked it over, seeming fascinated. She didn't say anything at first, just admired the bright yellow paint and then surveyed the remains of the house.
Finally she looked up at him and said, "that's all right, dear. My brother-in-law's parents own a house across town. I'm sure we can stay there for a while."
"OHH!" Terry screamed. "It can't be! What the hell is it with you?! I've wrecked our house! I've destroyed all your belongings! I took your dog away and I cheated on you! What's wrong with you? Why aren't you angry?!"
"Terry, dear. I am angry. I was just taught to suppress my anger, to push it deep, deep down and keep it bottled up inside."
"but, but that's impossible! Some day it'll all explode out of you, and you'll go crazy and take it out on whoever's closest to you!"
Bonnie smiled, looking at where the house used to be.
"I know, dear. And I think that day has come."
"let's see what she has to say about this!"